A Response to The Embrace of Gratitude
So here I sit … eleven days after launching the Mom Loss Survivors website and publishing The Embrace of Gratitude book.
Since then, I have been asked several times 'How do you feel now that your site is up and the free digital download of the book made it to #1 (in the Grief & Loss category) on Amazon?'
The short answer is 'I’m not sure.' and the longer answer is ‘Perhaps I haven’t felt it yet.'
So much a part of me feels like a completely different person from just three short weeks ago, Seriously … I am not even sure I recognize THIS person.
Perhaps it was the extremely late hours and mostly sleepless nights in the weeks leading up to the Mother’s Day launch that is making me feel different … and I am still a bit ‘punchy’ as my Dad likes to say.
Or maybe it was putting part of my story (yes, the REAL one) on a website for all the world (or just a few people really) to read.
Or maybe it is the beautiful piece my Dad wrote on how Dads can help their Daughters who are going through this. Or it could be the way he vulnerably shared with me that he felt like a funny even writing the article in the first place, because he didn’t feel like he did any of these things when Mom died. Or maybe it’s the open and deep conversations we are now able to have because of all of this.
Or maybe it was the way I had to ask for TONS of help in launching the website and the book ... like the night I couldn’t figure out how to create the cover image for the book in Photoshop using the seemingly simple instructions the printer provided, crying and fighting to get it to work for a few hours and finally breaking down and texting a friend to ask for his help. His response, including the new cover image, came in less time than it took me to type the ask for help. So about now you are asking yourself why I waited so long to ask … yes, me too. I think that’s part of the problem.
Or the days after the book launched where I actually had to post on my personal Facebook page and ask friends to spread the word, download the book and actually write a review …. holy shit that whole ‘receiving' thing was hard.
And then, if that wasn’t enough, I had to keep posting updates on Facebook, ask for more help, and actually sit in a place of letting people do it and just be ok with receiving.
Or maybe it was the countless people I knew who reached out through an email or social media to say they too had lost their Mom and shared their story. Even people who hadn’t lost their Mom were sharing the page just because they cared about me and thought this may help someone else. And then … there were people I didn’t even know doing the same thing … spreading the word and downloading … how is that even possible???
The weekend following the book launch I was at a local store, where I have the honor of not just knowing the store manager but also calling her a friend. When she saw me enter the store she came right over, gave me a huge congratulations hug and proceeded to tell me how much she loved the book and how it really spoke to her. With tears in her eyes, she shared with me the struggles I talked about in the book were her also struggles too and, as she had celebrated the 5th anniversary of her Mom’s passing just a few days prior, for the first time she felt like she wasn’t alone anymore. And someone else gets it. That … nearly knocked me over.
As we spoke a bit more, made plans to get together and I made my purchase, it hit me as I was walking back to my car … THIS is it. This whole thing, this whole experience … and all of the crazy beautiful moments over the last few months.
I have said from the beginning that my driving force in all of this was that I never wanted other Daughters to feel as alone as I have all these years.
And guess what???
We no longer have to … ❤
So much love,
P.S. Thanks so much for reading! So now that you know that the act of receiving is a HUGE struggle of mine, have there been times in your life when you have struggled receiving? I’m afraid I’m not alone. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below and I look forward to sharing the vulnerably REAL me in the weeks to come ...